How to even title this

I'm feeling a little bit sad today.  (I know that as a pregnant woman strong emotions come with the territory, but this is different.)

I went and got an mri yesterday.  The cyst has regained some of it growth.  It's about 30 mm by 30 mm.  The neurosurgeron reccomends a c section at least a week ahead of ahead of schedule.  And I can't drive anymore.  (The right hand side of my body is shutting down.  My reflexes aren't working to where they should be.  It's actually pretty weird to know what your body is supposed to be doing and not getting your body to react the way it's supposed to.  And that side of my body is numb and has a burning sensation - annoying!)

I feel a little sad because I lose some of my freedom.  I hate having to rely on someone else to get places.  And I can't drive again until I get the okay AFTER my brain surgery.

I feel a little sad because I thought maybe we could hold off a while on the surgery and I could just be Zack's mom for a while.

I feel a little sad because I have to have brain surgery again.  :P  (Even though I already knew it, it still stinks!)

I feel a little sad because I will most likely be healing from being pregnant while I have to have brain surgery.  I really thought that I'd have time to heal from one before I had to do the other.  And I can just imagine having nurses have to pump evey 3 hours during the surgery.  Oh that sounds like fun.

BUT on the other side of things...  I get to work full-time from home - that's kinda cool.  I do know that Heavenly Father is watching out for me.  He's let me make it through an entire pregnancy without having a surgery.  He's letting me be a mom. 

Maybe I'm supposed have them close to the same time for some reason.  I guess that's one of those times that I have to let the faith take over, huh?

I have to remember what my very own grandma has posted at her house - I can do hard things.  Just writing that makes me cry because I don't want to do hard things right now.  (Wah wah wah - get over yourself Susan!  Hard things are how we get anywhere in this life.)  :)

The most amazing weekend ever!

I only have a couple minutes to write but I just have to say that this weekend has been awesome! 

Saturday I had the coolest baby shower (54 people came!) where I felt SOOOOOOO loved.  (I will write more when Melanie sends me the pics she took.  I could write for like 3 weeks about the amazing people who came.)

Sunday was Mother's Day.  The 2nd Mother's Day I haven't hated in a lot of years.  Something about my brain surgery changed things for me.  And this year I AM a mother.  Freakin cool!

Today is my birthday - the super nice things that people write on Facebook or send me in emails at work or send in texts just astound me.  And it's just awesome how many phone calls I've received from my family singing today!

And I get ANOTHER baby shower from my work family on Wednesday. 

I'm overwhelmed with how many people love me.  Just overwhelmed.  I feel like Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life who gets to realize how many people love him without going through the changes!

Ah, It IS a Wonderful Life!