awake, awake, awake, awake, awake, awake
Oooo maybe if I chant 'go to sleep' it will help.
go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep
Nope, didn't help at all. Sigh. I wake up like an hour ago to use the bathroom, and when I go back to bed I can't sleep. So I'm laying there and then I get nauseated! What is this?! I didn't take a pain pill right before I went to bed. Although I kinda wish I had. (The pain pills that work for me also make me sick to my stomach if I don't eat enough with it.) And no, I'm not pregnant for those of you who might have gone there.
Last night, I started thinking about how it will be after we die. I've spent a lot of time contemplating that. How will it feel to truly understand eternal beings? What is our purpose post-mortal life? We learn about our purpose here but what about there? Just to be eternally happy? (Or unhappy as the case may be.) That can't be it, because look at Heavenly Father. We are here, so obviously there is more to it. Eternal perpetuation of famlies? Hmmm... I should ask Mom. She always knows how to put stuff in words so I can better understand. Ooo ooo! I should ask my Grandparents if they'll come visit after they die and let me know! That would be soooo cool. (Grandma - remember this for the next time we talk on the phone, k?) I've had dreams about how it will be. There's always an incredible feeling of joy. An overwhelming level of emotion. I've felt that way before - ridiculously happy. It would be neat to feel that way all the time.
It's hard to try to understand eternity when you're trying so hard to just be nice to people for the next 10 minutes, don't you think?
Ok, enough thinking about things my finite mind doesn't understand. I think I'll try to go back to sleep.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I have an illness...
I have an illness.
I told Brad that when I got home after my tests and he was like "What is it? Is it something in your back?"
"No."
"Does it have to do with that bag of High School Musical stuff you just got from the 99 cent store?"
Yes! How pathetic is that?! It's like I get so excited I just want to get everything (which I didn't by-the-way.) Especially, when I get to thinking about my birthday party that is going to rock.
But enough of that, on to my back...
Cervical ridiculousa!
That's what Harry Potter would say to fix my back from what the chiropractor said is "cervical ridiculitis". (Yes, that is pronounced just like "ridiculous" with "itis" at the end.) This is like day 23-ish of my fingers being numb. I decided that going chiropractic was not the way for me so I went to a place called Spine Team Texas. They had me get tests done - MRI and EMG. I've had plenty of MRIs. I didn't like the machine they did it in though. I was totally pressed up against the ceiling and it was a little suffocating. I should have suggested they put one of those snazzy "periscope" mirrors on their machine. You have no idea how close to the ceiling you are when you are looking out at the back of the tube.
After the MRI, I went next door and had an EMG. That's where they put not-sharp needles in your arm and see what happens when they mess with your nerves. I guess they can't be sharp needles because of the whole digging around in your arm thing. She said my C6 and C7 nerves are showing the problems. Which sounds like what the chiropractor and new doctor said about the space between my C6 and C7 being signifcantly smaller than it should be.
I look forward to being able to "read" spine MRIs just like brains MRIs. (Man, maybe someone is trying to give me the hint that I should be a neurologist!)
My follow-up appointment is next Monday. I'm sure you'll hear about it again then. :)
I told Brad that when I got home after my tests and he was like "What is it? Is it something in your back?"
"No."
"Does it have to do with that bag of High School Musical stuff you just got from the 99 cent store?"
Yes! How pathetic is that?! It's like I get so excited I just want to get everything (which I didn't by-the-way.) Especially, when I get to thinking about my birthday party that is going to rock.
But enough of that, on to my back...
Cervical ridiculousa!
That's what Harry Potter would say to fix my back from what the chiropractor said is "cervical ridiculitis". (Yes, that is pronounced just like "ridiculous" with "itis" at the end.) This is like day 23-ish of my fingers being numb. I decided that going chiropractic was not the way for me so I went to a place called Spine Team Texas. They had me get tests done - MRI and EMG. I've had plenty of MRIs. I didn't like the machine they did it in though. I was totally pressed up against the ceiling and it was a little suffocating. I should have suggested they put one of those snazzy "periscope" mirrors on their machine. You have no idea how close to the ceiling you are when you are looking out at the back of the tube.
After the MRI, I went next door and had an EMG. That's where they put not-sharp needles in your arm and see what happens when they mess with your nerves. I guess they can't be sharp needles because of the whole digging around in your arm thing. She said my C6 and C7 nerves are showing the problems. Which sounds like what the chiropractor and new doctor said about the space between my C6 and C7 being signifcantly smaller than it should be.
I look forward to being able to "read" spine MRIs just like brains MRIs. (Man, maybe someone is trying to give me the hint that I should be a neurologist!)
My follow-up appointment is next Monday. I'm sure you'll hear about it again then. :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sock Hop
I got the pics of the sock hop. It was awesome!!! I think the young women and their dads had a great time.
Here's our refreshment table with cheeseburgers, french fries and onion rings.
Here's the cheeseburger tray made out of records and tumblers. It looks pretty wonky from this angle (see first pic).
Here are our onion rings. (On the left are french fries (some with ketchup))
I think this is pretty much the only picture of me from the night. You can't really tell from this picture, but I totally look like Mrs. Cleaver from Leave it to Beaver. I think we were learning the hand jive.
Seriously, how fun are these dads?!
This is Sydney showing us how excited the young women were about their dads. (Which by the way, Dad I know that I was so embarrassed by you when I was a teenage girl. If only I had realized then that all teenage girls feel that way about their dads. I would have been a much nicer teenager. Now, I would LOVE it if you got dressed up and acted dorky with me!)
I just love this picture. Bro. Burgess was so fun during our game. It was fun to see the girls with him.
This is how most of the young women looked as their dads tried to teach them how to dance.
Here's the whole gang (well minus the young women's leaders and bishopric wives). We had 4 young women whose dads couldn't make it. The 2 counselors in the bishopric were their sock hop dads. They were pretty delightful especially Bro Green and the Souza girls. They were so good natured and fun. It was great to be a part of such a fun activity. I'm so grateful for dads that love their daughters.
One year anniversary
Today is the one year anniversary of the brain surgery that changed my world. Hooray me!
I just got copies of my medical records from the first surgeon. Very interesting. I didn't read all of it but I especially liked this one (I added the bold formatting):
"Susan White is seen now after visiting with Dr. Mickey who recommended a surgical approach. They have heard conservative recommendations as well.
She is ready to proceed. We talked about the procedure, the technical aspects of this, and the expected recovery. She is aware of the risks including loss of speech, seizures and even death. She is ready to proceed."
Hooray for Dr. Mickey!
Today one of my choir peeps at work told me, "I really like the new you. Not that I didn't like the old you, but I especially like the new you." I didn't realize that I changed all that much, but thank you.
I just got copies of my medical records from the first surgeon. Very interesting. I didn't read all of it but I especially liked this one (I added the bold formatting):
"Susan White is seen now after visiting with Dr. Mickey who recommended a surgical approach. They have heard conservative recommendations as well.
She is ready to proceed. We talked about the procedure, the technical aspects of this, and the expected recovery. She is aware of the risks including loss of speech, seizures and even death. She is ready to proceed."
Hooray for Dr. Mickey!
Today one of my choir peeps at work told me, "I really like the new you. Not that I didn't like the old you, but I especially like the new you." I didn't realize that I changed all that much, but thank you.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Night time Blogging - Should really be asleep right now
It's all super early in the morning and I'm up. I've been awake and in pain for the past hour and a half. My arm hurts and my fingers are still numb. It's been 8 days now. Today I'm going to a chiropractor. If that doesn't work, I'm going to a massage therapist. If that doesn't work, I'm going to cry.
Anywho, as I was up thinking this morning, I thought about a conversation my mom and I had about blogging. We talked about how cool it would be if my dad blogged. It would be another way to get to know him. I would really like that. (hint, hint)
Tonight is our Young Women's Sock Hop. I am so dang excited about this. My Mia Maids have really played a big role in it happening. Nicole did refreshments, Logan did record picture frames, Katrina's gonna teach us a dance, and Laifa is doing all the balloons for decorating. I really hope the actual event rocks. But even if it doesn't, it's already been worth it to see the young women in action. I'll try to remember to take pics to post later this week.
My visiting teacher challenged me to create a profile on http://www.mormon.org/. So I did. It took forever to actually show up but it's out there now. I would add the link but apparently they do maintainance at 4am. Search for a caucasion female with the key words brain tumor. I thought my profile picture was appropriate. I wish the description part would have let me start a new paragraph in the middle (because there's a drastic change of topics) but alas, try as I might, it would not let me put any extra lines in it.
Remember my brother who I talked about during the last American Idol? (Which I totally got involved in again this season. Not sure why, but I did. Oh, and Joni - totally started watching Biggest Loser - I'm a fan.) Brad has been living with us for the past 6 months or so. I so love that kid. (You call me old, I can call you a kid.) He keeps me up to date on current events as well as current viral sensations. (Our favorite song right now is Friday sung by Rebecca Black. Well, not actually the version sung by Rebecca Black - maybe the version with Jimmy Fallon or with Darth Vader. Can I just say "We, we, we so excited"?) He recently started working out. He's really getting cut. Sometimes, he walks around with his shirt off so he (and anyone else who wants to) can admire his muscles. My most favorite thing he said was "Sometimes don't you just want to take your shirt off and admire yourself in the mirror?" My response, "Nope. Can't say that I've ever wanted to do that. Maybe that's more of a guy thing." He keeps hoping that working out will rub off on me and Richard. Maybe... someday...
Anywho, as I was up thinking this morning, I thought about a conversation my mom and I had about blogging. We talked about how cool it would be if my dad blogged. It would be another way to get to know him. I would really like that. (hint, hint)
Tonight is our Young Women's Sock Hop. I am so dang excited about this. My Mia Maids have really played a big role in it happening. Nicole did refreshments, Logan did record picture frames, Katrina's gonna teach us a dance, and Laifa is doing all the balloons for decorating. I really hope the actual event rocks. But even if it doesn't, it's already been worth it to see the young women in action. I'll try to remember to take pics to post later this week.
My visiting teacher challenged me to create a profile on http://www.mormon.org/. So I did. It took forever to actually show up but it's out there now. I would add the link but apparently they do maintainance at 4am. Search for a caucasion female with the key words brain tumor. I thought my profile picture was appropriate. I wish the description part would have let me start a new paragraph in the middle (because there's a drastic change of topics) but alas, try as I might, it would not let me put any extra lines in it.
Remember my brother who I talked about during the last American Idol? (Which I totally got involved in again this season. Not sure why, but I did. Oh, and Joni - totally started watching Biggest Loser - I'm a fan.) Brad has been living with us for the past 6 months or so. I so love that kid. (You call me old, I can call you a kid.) He keeps me up to date on current events as well as current viral sensations. (Our favorite song right now is Friday sung by Rebecca Black. Well, not actually the version sung by Rebecca Black - maybe the version with Jimmy Fallon or with Darth Vader. Can I just say "We, we, we so excited"?) He recently started working out. He's really getting cut. Sometimes, he walks around with his shirt off so he (and anyone else who wants to) can admire his muscles. My most favorite thing he said was "Sometimes don't you just want to take your shirt off and admire yourself in the mirror?" My response, "Nope. Can't say that I've ever wanted to do that. Maybe that's more of a guy thing." He keeps hoping that working out will rub off on me and Richard. Maybe... someday...
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Musings of a very awake mind
It's 3:00 in the morning and I'm wide awake. I have a pinched nerve in my left shoulder. It's causing me a good deal of pain. The fingers on my left hand are numb. They have been for the past 4 days. I keep shaking my hand around to make sure my arm's not falling off. I took a couple pain pills last night & apparently they aren't the kind that make you sleepy... Apparently they aren't the kind that makes pain go away either.
So I've been lying in bed for the past few hours just thinking. Thinking about how I'm going to divy out the responsibities for the YW Sock Hop to my Mia Maids. And how on earth I'm going to find the 50's music that I need for Wednesday night. And how I really want to remember what happened when I had brain surgery. And how I kinda associate blogging with brain surgery - which is so dumb because I remember telling my very best friend Joni how I'd love for her just to write so I can hear what's going on in her life.
So I decided to get up and blog - even if some of it IS about brain surgery.
For example, after one of the first surgeries when I was coming out of anesthia (how on earth do you spell that?!) a doctor was leaning over me and asked me if I knew where I was. I, trying to be so lighthearted, responded "Pizza Hut?" The doctor laughed. Then I was kicking myself with why Pizza Hut was the best answer I could come up with - why not Disneyland or the red carpet or ANYplace better than Pizza Hut.
And after the last surgery, the doctors were around my bed asking me what things were (this happens quite often when they are assessing your brain) and it seems like the words were coming slowly. They point to things like their wedding band, or a pen, or a person. Well, they pointed at Richard and I couldn't remember my husband's name. I knew it and I knew that I knew it, but the only R name I could come up with was Randall (my brother). I was so frustrated. I don't remember if I cried or not but I felt so bad that I made Richard feel bad. Richard and I will have to sit down and record thoughts soon. My memory does weird stuff now. Kinda annoying but maybe with both of us, it'll be easier to remember what happened.
Dude, the pain in my arm is increasing. Probably a good solid 5. My siblings give me a hard time because I've been a little melodramatic about pain in the past. Someone will poke me and my response is a rather whiny oww. And I haven't had a very high pain tolerance... sometimes I wish someone else could feel my pain and let me know just how intolerant I am. I don't know, we might just realize that I actually DO have a high pain tolerance!
Something else I was thinking about was the cool new High School Musical stuff I got at Party City last night. Richard is totally throwing me a High School Musical birthday party. (He just found out about that last night.) I'm totally going to make little boxes of stuff to send home with people. Which makes me wonder who on earth I would invite to my High School Musical birthday party?!
I kinda like collecting things that are "so yesterday" because they are on clearance!! I got a ton of cool stuff (for above mentioned party) for 10 bucks. It would have cost waaaaaaaay more if it were Hannah Montana or Tangled or something that's in right now. (P.S. Hannah Montana is "in" according to Party City.) My nephew Tyler came to my house and saw my lunchbox. He said, "You really like that, huh?" I said, "Just you wait and see my huge box filled with stuff." I proceeded to show him my huge box of stuff and he said, "You have High School Musical EVERYTHING!" Yes. Yes I do. And it's amazing just how much more stuff one can find even after they have EVERYTHING.
Okay, I've got to go lay down. My arm really really hurts. Maybe I'll fall back to sleep while I'm at it..
So I've been lying in bed for the past few hours just thinking. Thinking about how I'm going to divy out the responsibities for the YW Sock Hop to my Mia Maids. And how on earth I'm going to find the 50's music that I need for Wednesday night. And how I really want to remember what happened when I had brain surgery. And how I kinda associate blogging with brain surgery - which is so dumb because I remember telling my very best friend Joni how I'd love for her just to write so I can hear what's going on in her life.
So I decided to get up and blog - even if some of it IS about brain surgery.
For example, after one of the first surgeries when I was coming out of anesthia (how on earth do you spell that?!) a doctor was leaning over me and asked me if I knew where I was. I, trying to be so lighthearted, responded "Pizza Hut?" The doctor laughed. Then I was kicking myself with why Pizza Hut was the best answer I could come up with - why not Disneyland or the red carpet or ANYplace better than Pizza Hut.
And after the last surgery, the doctors were around my bed asking me what things were (this happens quite often when they are assessing your brain) and it seems like the words were coming slowly. They point to things like their wedding band, or a pen, or a person. Well, they pointed at Richard and I couldn't remember my husband's name. I knew it and I knew that I knew it, but the only R name I could come up with was Randall (my brother). I was so frustrated. I don't remember if I cried or not but I felt so bad that I made Richard feel bad. Richard and I will have to sit down and record thoughts soon. My memory does weird stuff now. Kinda annoying but maybe with both of us, it'll be easier to remember what happened.
Dude, the pain in my arm is increasing. Probably a good solid 5. My siblings give me a hard time because I've been a little melodramatic about pain in the past. Someone will poke me and my response is a rather whiny oww. And I haven't had a very high pain tolerance... sometimes I wish someone else could feel my pain and let me know just how intolerant I am. I don't know, we might just realize that I actually DO have a high pain tolerance!
Something else I was thinking about was the cool new High School Musical stuff I got at Party City last night. Richard is totally throwing me a High School Musical birthday party. (He just found out about that last night.) I'm totally going to make little boxes of stuff to send home with people. Which makes me wonder who on earth I would invite to my High School Musical birthday party?!
I kinda like collecting things that are "so yesterday" because they are on clearance!! I got a ton of cool stuff (for above mentioned party) for 10 bucks. It would have cost waaaaaaaay more if it were Hannah Montana or Tangled or something that's in right now. (P.S. Hannah Montana is "in" according to Party City.) My nephew Tyler came to my house and saw my lunchbox. He said, "You really like that, huh?" I said, "Just you wait and see my huge box filled with stuff." I proceeded to show him my huge box of stuff and he said, "You have High School Musical EVERYTHING!" Yes. Yes I do. And it's amazing just how much more stuff one can find even after they have EVERYTHING.
Okay, I've got to go lay down. My arm really really hurts. Maybe I'll fall back to sleep while I'm at it..
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