Something else my brain can't figure out

Yesterday I spent my first few hours in the sun swimming. First of all, I had to put sunscreen on my scar. (My sister said, "It's like a baby's head - no big deal." Yeah, whatever!!)

Second, I discovered a new brain rewiring problem. When I was in the water, I couldn't figure out how to hold my breath. Everytime I went under I breathed. Obviously I didn't go under very often. This morning I realized that when I drink I hold the water in my mouth until I tell myself to swallow. So apparently it has something to do with liquid and breathing and my mouth.

How's that for brain rewiring?

Current issues

I'm ready for the "4 weeks of healing" to be up. The actual surgery site is giving me fits. The headaches are really painful. Luckily I been okay at work, but at home it's terrible. I just want to go to bed and sleep it off.

I've been nauseated. Every day. Since I've been home. That's right it's been almost 5 weeks. (No I'm not pregnant. I was tested before my MRI last Thursday.) I don't know why I'm nauseated. I can't figure it out.

I'm crying all the time. I cried yesterday when Lee (who reminds me of my little brother) won American Idol. I cried when I read my blog posts from January. I cried watching "Meet the Robinsons". Good grief! Cry, cry, cry.

Those are my 3 big complaints. I just thought I'd throw them out there. I don't want to forget them. Maybe sometime I meet someone who had surgery and I'll be able to share with them.

Symptoms and mental health and HSM

Remember my shaky hand? It's back. Bummer. I keep making sure that my right eye is still working (which it is). My language is doing much better this time. I get a little tongue tied when I'm nervous or excited or tired but it's not like before. And this morning I got another killer headache - I'm pretty sure that has to do with my ear infection because it was right behind my ear. I'm so grateful for ibuprofen. The other thing is that I've been sick to my stomach almost everyday since I've been home. Don't know what that's about. I wonder if I could go online and find a list of things that you might expect after brain surgery. (Yeah you can't - they say stuff like "every brain surgery is different so expect different reactions." Yeah that's real helpful.)

The other day after the exhausting day at work, we went to an exhausting visit with our pyschiatrist. I say "our" because he's treats both of us. Yesterday was Richard's appt. (I do have Richard's permission to share this. He is supporting my attempts to dissolve the stigmas. If I told you he had high cholesterol - you would think nothing of it. It should be the same way if I tell you about a mental health condition. In fact it should help you understand that person better.)

He's been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder partnered with depression. As of the end of last year our dr has really been able to stabilize this. Since all of this uncertainty has started, both the OC and the depression have been out of whack. For Richard the OC has to do with obsessively eating or spending money or escaping into a movie (buying figures, watching it over and over, taking up new hobbies based on it). The depression this time has to do with incessant sleeping and lack of motivation. The dr said that the real way that he'll get back out of this is by finding out what's going on with me. But he gave us something to try to help him wake up and something to stimulate his thyroid until then. Good times. Just think we only have a week before we find something out. Let's hope it is the kind of stuff the dr meant when he said that. :)

Okay last but not least - I finally got a picture of my cube. Actually I forgot to take it when I was there so my friend took it and sent it to me. She's obviously not the one who sits there so the sticky notes, pens, chapstick, lotion, stickers, notebook and other cards normally displayed at the bottom are just kinda stuffed under some other stuff. So what you can see right now is the calendar (yes I traded 2009 for 2010), some stickers, a mini poster, a big row of magnets, and a card. That card may have been from my team last year - hard to remember for sure. No, no they gave me a singing card last year. "Soaring, flying..." It must be buried in the other stuff.

I miss you desk at work.