I'm feeling a little bit sad today. (I know that as a pregnant woman strong emotions come with the territory, but this is different.)
I went and got an mri yesterday. The cyst has regained some of it growth. It's about 30 mm by 30 mm. The neurosurgeron reccomends a c section at least a week ahead of ahead of schedule. And I can't drive anymore. (The right hand side of my body is shutting down. My reflexes aren't working to where they should be. It's actually pretty weird to know what your body is supposed to be doing and not getting your body to react the way it's supposed to. And that side of my body is numb and has a burning sensation - annoying!)
I feel a little sad because I lose some of my freedom. I hate having to rely on someone else to get places. And I can't drive again until I get the okay AFTER my brain surgery.
I feel a little sad because I thought maybe we could hold off a while on the surgery and I could just be Zack's mom for a while.
I feel a little sad because I have to have brain surgery again. :P (Even though I already knew it, it still stinks!)
I feel a little sad because I will most likely be healing from being pregnant while I have to have brain surgery. I really thought that I'd have time to heal from one before I had to do the other. And I can just imagine having nurses have to pump evey 3 hours during the surgery. Oh that sounds like fun.
BUT on the other side of things... I get to work full-time from home - that's kinda cool. I do know that Heavenly Father is watching out for me. He's let me make it through an entire pregnancy without having a surgery. He's letting me be a mom.
Maybe I'm supposed have them close to the same time for some reason. I guess that's one of those times that I have to let the faith take over, huh?
I have to remember what my very own grandma has posted at her house - I can do hard things. Just writing that makes me cry because I don't want to do hard things right now. (Wah wah wah - get over yourself Susan! Hard things are how we get anywhere in this life.) :)
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5 comments:
I'm sorry you're going through all that. Let us know if we can help. I can be available if you ever need a ride. I know that doesn't probably help much, but I hope you know that we're thinking about you.
I'm so sorry! That just plain sucks! Do you ever read nieniedialogues.blogspot.com? She just had a baby followed by major surgery. Maybe it would at least help to know there is someone who understands how you feel. Love ya!
I'm really sorry. I know it is hard and really - it sucks. Your strength is inspiring! Have you heard of Stephanie Nielson (Nie Nie). She's going to be here giving a fireside on June 6th at the Colleyville stake center. She was in an airplane accident with her husband and burned on the majority of her body and survived. She just recently had her 5th child, and then had surgery right afterwards. She's got a really positive message~
susan----i am home and can drive you whereever you need or want to go---for reals!
Wow... an emotional rollercoaster for sure... I am so excited for you both on the birth of your son Zack but so un-excited...is that a word?... for your cyst:( I pray all will go well!!! You're already a mom however that mothering happens it will be exactly perfect for Zack!!!
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