Headaches, anyone?

Yeah so still having headaches. Anybody know how long you are supposed to have headaches after brain surgery? (I should post that on facebook - just for the humor of it.) I'm wearing my contacts today. It definitely hurts less than when I have my glasses on but right around the scar it STILL HURTS!!! It's kinda funny, it hurts more when I laugh or when I make a face or an expression. What does that tell you? (Yeah, yeah I know, I know - I shouldn't laugh or make a face or an expression. I better stop hanging around with Richard.)

Which makes me realize just how much I love Richard. I don't know what it is about brain surgery but me coming out of it - holy cow!! I am so dang attracted to him - more than ever before. And I think he is soooooo funny. Hilarious! I thought he was funny before we got married and then after we got married something happened. And I figured it out. . . after 5 years I figured it out. Holy crap (to quote Strong Bad - which I can totally hear Richard saying in my head and it's making me laugh) Heavenly Father had to put me through 3 brain surgeries to finally get this! Good grief I'm slow! I've been labeling him with something that isn't him, it's something he had to deal with. I've gotten so frustrated with the obsessive eating & obsessive spending & obsessive obsessive-ness over any little thing. I've failed to realize that's not him. That's something he deals with. Now I'm not saying it's excused, I'm saying it's understandable. I have a sibling who throws pyscho fits because they're biopolar & another who does drugs to deal with their bipolar. It's not them, it's the illness. It's NOT okay, but it helps you understand where they are coming from.

OCD is not just hard on me. It is so much harder on him. Obsessive isn't just a descriptive word - it's a place where your mind goes and gets stuck. So now, I just have to figure out how to deal with it the right way. I guess it'll take some pondering and prayer.

Symptoms and mental health and HSM

Remember my shaky hand? It's back. Bummer. I keep making sure that my right eye is still working (which it is). My language is doing much better this time. I get a little tongue tied when I'm nervous or excited or tired but it's not like before. And this morning I got another killer headache - I'm pretty sure that has to do with my ear infection because it was right behind my ear. I'm so grateful for ibuprofen. The other thing is that I've been sick to my stomach almost everyday since I've been home. Don't know what that's about. I wonder if I could go online and find a list of things that you might expect after brain surgery. (Yeah you can't - they say stuff like "every brain surgery is different so expect different reactions." Yeah that's real helpful.)

The other day after the exhausting day at work, we went to an exhausting visit with our pyschiatrist. I say "our" because he's treats both of us. Yesterday was Richard's appt. (I do have Richard's permission to share this. He is supporting my attempts to dissolve the stigmas. If I told you he had high cholesterol - you would think nothing of it. It should be the same way if I tell you about a mental health condition. In fact it should help you understand that person better.)

He's been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder partnered with depression. As of the end of last year our dr has really been able to stabilize this. Since all of this uncertainty has started, both the OC and the depression have been out of whack. For Richard the OC has to do with obsessively eating or spending money or escaping into a movie (buying figures, watching it over and over, taking up new hobbies based on it). The depression this time has to do with incessant sleeping and lack of motivation. The dr said that the real way that he'll get back out of this is by finding out what's going on with me. But he gave us something to try to help him wake up and something to stimulate his thyroid until then. Good times. Just think we only have a week before we find something out. Let's hope it is the kind of stuff the dr meant when he said that. :)

Okay last but not least - I finally got a picture of my cube. Actually I forgot to take it when I was there so my friend took it and sent it to me. She's obviously not the one who sits there so the sticky notes, pens, chapstick, lotion, stickers, notebook and other cards normally displayed at the bottom are just kinda stuffed under some other stuff. So what you can see right now is the calendar (yes I traded 2009 for 2010), some stickers, a mini poster, a big row of magnets, and a card. That card may have been from my team last year - hard to remember for sure. No, no they gave me a singing card last year. "Soaring, flying..." It must be buried in the other stuff.

I miss you desk at work.