Tally #3

Who said I wasn't a mom?!

This weekend has an awful lot of "mom-ish" activities. The first one started off my morning - fifth grade graduation. One of my primary kids (who I absolutely love by-the-way) invited me. It was terrible finding a place to park!! And then finding a place to sit, good grief!


This was my view most of the time. (He's the kid on the stage by the teachers.)


Okay so this one is awesome. My 5th grader is the red arrow. Please notice the wide array of clothes worn by the kids. The green arrow is a girl in a spaghetti strap, glittery dress. Next to her (the blue arrow) is a girl in athletic pants and a t-shirt.


I pretty much hated being there until I saw his reaction when he saw that I came. Then I realized why moms do this stuff. Cuz it makes a difference to their kids. I made a difference. That made my day.

When I asked his mom how they chose his outfit (white shirt with blue shirt not buttoned up) she said he wanted to look like a teenager. Alright, a teenager - maybe one from high school musical? (I think Chad did that a few times in HSM, in case you're wondering.)


I teased him about not smiling. He was like, "that IS a smile."

Seriously, fifth grade graduation is NOT my favorite but this fifth grader IS my favorite.

At work today, I had a Craft Hobby Group committee meeting. Wow, something else I've really missed. Our next craft is going to be learning how to make bows (which I will most likely make for someone else' s kids).


I call this my Pebbles look.

Is it just me or do I smile like this in all my self-taken close-ups? (Seriously, compare the photos on this post. You'll see what I mean.)

Which brings me to after work when I went to my nieces dance recital.

We took photos the other night and she was a scream!

First off, her dance teacher is the same teacher Joni and I took from at the rec center 2 years ago. In fact the dance the 7 year olds did was the EXACT same as the one she taught us. Explains a lot Joni, doesn't it?

My niece is the closest to us. She was so cute, she kept looking at herself dancing in the mirror.

Here she's the 3rd one just waiting to get started.

It was kinda a long recital for little kids dancing but each of the 3 classes had 2 dance numbers. It was pretty cute - once you get over the full song for each dance (Seriously, you had to choreograph the ENTIRE Party in the USA Miley Cyrus song? No wonder you repeat the step 50 times!) It was really fun being there with and for my niece.

Tomorrow I've been invited to one of my young women's high school graduations and then to my friend's daughter's 'Yo Gabba Gabba' birthday party (where I am to show up with a Dancey Dance).

I think that will about do it for my "mom-ish" weekend. I guess we'll have to wait and see what Sunday brings.

Current issues

I'm ready for the "4 weeks of healing" to be up. The actual surgery site is giving me fits. The headaches are really painful. Luckily I been okay at work, but at home it's terrible. I just want to go to bed and sleep it off.

I've been nauseated. Every day. Since I've been home. That's right it's been almost 5 weeks. (No I'm not pregnant. I was tested before my MRI last Thursday.) I don't know why I'm nauseated. I can't figure it out.

I'm crying all the time. I cried yesterday when Lee (who reminds me of my little brother) won American Idol. I cried when I read my blog posts from January. I cried watching "Meet the Robinsons". Good grief! Cry, cry, cry.

Those are my 3 big complaints. I just thought I'd throw them out there. I don't want to forget them. Maybe sometime I meet someone who had surgery and I'll be able to share with them.

Day 3 = Faux hawk

Today was day 3 at work. Lots of talking to people and some working on emails. And even 1 Happy Birthday song. Man, I've missed that - 4 part harmony - sounded so good. Looks like tomorrow I have a mtg with my manager to figure out what my new job will be. Hooray for that!

The most fun thing was my faux hawk though.

Day 2 of work

Today was great. I went to choir and then got to visit with one of my favorite people! She's actually the new "musical director" of the choir. If it goes like today did, it will be amazing. I'm just so grateful for Laurie who kept the choir going while I was gone.

Just so everyone knows - I really HATE my haircut. It's growing out from being SHAVED, and no I will NOT keep it like this forever and ever. I want to "grow it long like a gurl". I love how honest little kids are. Ainsley is the best! My nephew later noticed "your hair's growing out, that's good". Yes, it is good and thank you for noticing.

Dang I've been hostile lately. I wonder if it's the pain of having to wear my glasses or lack of sleep. I'm voting on lack of sleep. Oh well, I've got to be nicer.

Maybe when I go to work tomorrow I'll find out what I'll be doing on my new team. And get a new desk and set up my high school musical display. :)

Tally #2

I feel much better about her nose (it's a little longer). I'm a little hesitant to do her eyes because they totally make picture.

The brown spot on her face is bugging me this time. (I know every time there will be something else that bugs me.)

Back to work

Do you know what I think is the dumbest question to ask someone after they've been out for 5 months? "Are you glad to be back?" Um, yes - because otherwise I'm dealing with brain surgery and no - because it's WORK!!!

Work today was alright. The first hour I spent packing up my old desk and explaining to 500 (well really only about 10) people that I still have a ping pong sized tumor in my head. One conversation went something like this:

"Oh Susan you're back!"
"Yep!"
"So how are you? How did things go?"
"Well, I still have a brain tumor but it's all good."
"ha ha ha (looong pause) oh wait, you're serious?"

No, I'm kidding. I like to joke about things like that. Wouldn't you? That's so far the hardest thing about being back - the emotional stress. Everyone has been super duper nice but having to explain so many times about the situation can really take it toll on you.

The rest of the 4 hour day was spent catching up on emails and taking an online course. I felt really tired when I came home but had a few things to do... then, finally, I napped for an hour and a half! It was amazing.

Tomorrow is choir practice at work. We have a new director as of last week (because I was all brain surger-ing). I'm not sure if that means I'm back or if I get to appreciate a new director too. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Oh yeah, my new team - ROCKS!!! It's a bunch of people that I've worked with on other teams and I'm sooo excited.

Actual tumor, imovers, Joey Fatone?!

Guess how many ibuprofen I had today? Zero!! After I read about what ibuprofen, acetametaphine, & naproxen sodium do to your body - holy cow! I'm ready to be in pain instead of taking them. And today's pain was do-able.

Here are some close up (click on them to enlarge) of the tumor. The red arrow is pointed at the regular part of the tumor the blue arrow is pointing to the "rubbery" part of the tumor. I don't know if that is normal or not. It sounded like it wasn't normal. He got rid of part of it but not much of the rubbery part. Again if we weren't worried about the next 30 to 50 YEARS it would be no problem the way it is.

On a totally different note, there's this kids show on the Disney Channel that I really like. It's called Imagination Movers. I've only watched it like 5 times but they are musical and creative about solving people's problems and just fun. Yeah I'm 33 and totally get a kick out of them. (Where's a kid to stay with me and give me an excuse?)

Okay so this morning I recorded it so I could watch it after Richard left (because needless to say he considers it "death by slow insanity"). And who could believe that the guest was Joey Fatone from N*SYNC! He was a baseball player for the "Sweaty Socks". I was so delighted I had to tell someone. And who did I pick? My brother - Jonathan. He was a NSYNC fan. He totally looked like he belonged on NSYNC at the time. His fav was Justin Timberlake but Joey's still one of the boy band members. The best part of the whole show was when they were singing and did a part of the Bye, Bye, Bye dance! It rocked!

This is Joey as a "Sweaty Sock".

Now this wasn't the first time I texted him about Joey. Just a couple weeks ago I saw the Hannah Montana with Joey. (Funny, he was a retired baseball player in that one.) At the end of the show, he and Hannah did some dancing with awesome golden outfits. That show had some funny references to Justin Timberlake and boy bands.

In this picture he just turned her in his arms. His character was so serious about performing - hence the serious look on his face.

I'm glad that I have my bro to share my NSYNC greatness with. Hooray for Joey Fatone.

Dr. Mickey

We saw Dr. Mickey this morning. And I'm going back to work on Monday!

Looking at both MRIs, he said there is still a considerable amount left of the tumor. (In the post before that big potato looking thing was the liquid sack around the actual tumor.) He also said if it stayed like that for the rest of my life he wouldn't have a problem with it. His big concern is a liquid sack starting back up again. He's considering radiation but apparently that doesn't necessarily prevent that. (so why do it?) So I'm going to see an radiation onconlogist (maybe, I can't really remember) to confirm his thoughts. Either way, he doesn't want us to do anything for 2 months. And that means starting work (half days at first) again NEXT WEEK!

I've totally got butterflies in my stomach. I haven't been to work in 5 months. Do I remember anything? They are actually putting me in a different position which is welcome. At least it will be new stuff so they'll have to train me anyway.

The headaches are probably from the actual surgery site and should be gone within the next 4 weeks. And I was given a limit on how much ibuprofen I'm allowed to take. Basically he said I'm gonna have to deal with the pain a little more. He and Richard don't want my kidneys to shut down. Go figure.

Oh I forgot to mention that yesterday when I went for the MRI the nurse asked when my procedure was done. I told her 4/19. She incredulously asked "THIS YEAR?" Apparently people don't look this good four and a half weeks after surgery. Hallejuah Dr. Mickey!!

Comparisons

Today was MRI day. I asked and it doesn't matter if your eyes are open or closed. Oh I also found out that the contrast dye they give you for MRIs make you taste or smell something metallic. The contrast dye for CT scans makes you feel like you have to pee. (I've had both.)

So here are some of the films. The first one shows me morphing from an alien (in the first few images) to a human (that looks just like me - go figure) then back to an alien. I think it's super cool looking.



The next one is from 4/1/10. On the 2nd line you can see the tumor and liquid sack (it's that really big potato lookin thing).



This one is from today. Check out the 2nd line. It was a slightly different angle (I think) but there's no potato shaped thing. I can see something. I don't know what that means. I don't know what Dr. Mickey will say but dang what a difference.



More about that tomorrow. While I'm making comparisons, I kinda got drawn into American Idol 9th Season. It's only the 2nd time that I've watched it. We are down to the final 2 - a boy named Lee and a girl named Crystal. Lee reminds me SOOO much of my brother Brad. Especially when he sings. He does this thing with his mouth where he has this half smile when he sings the high parts or the loud parts. I can't really explain it so I found some photos.





(I'm pretty sure this is staged but I couldn't find anything else.)

He kinda looks like Brad and his personality reminds me of Brad. He started out pretty shy/nervous to perform & he was so surprised by his homecoming. It seemed like a million people were there to support him.

I also think Brad is extremely talented. I would have put one of his songs on my blog but I couldn't figure out how to steal one from myspace. He only had 3 songs recorded on video and I couldn't figure out how to steal one of those from myspace, facebook or youtube. I've no patience to figure it out. He writes his own music and there's this one called "Carry On" that I love!! He's pretty talented at lyric-writing. Maybe he should audition for the next American Idol. I'd watch one that he was on for sure!

What a cool kid!

Tally

I'm kinda proud. Her nose is a little short. I'll have to work on that next time.

You can see a little bit of the shading on her face.

Headaches, anyone?

Yeah so still having headaches. Anybody know how long you are supposed to have headaches after brain surgery? (I should post that on facebook - just for the humor of it.) I'm wearing my contacts today. It definitely hurts less than when I have my glasses on but right around the scar it STILL HURTS!!! It's kinda funny, it hurts more when I laugh or when I make a face or an expression. What does that tell you? (Yeah, yeah I know, I know - I shouldn't laugh or make a face or an expression. I better stop hanging around with Richard.)

Which makes me realize just how much I love Richard. I don't know what it is about brain surgery but me coming out of it - holy cow!! I am so dang attracted to him - more than ever before. And I think he is soooooo funny. Hilarious! I thought he was funny before we got married and then after we got married something happened. And I figured it out. . . after 5 years I figured it out. Holy crap (to quote Strong Bad - which I can totally hear Richard saying in my head and it's making me laugh) Heavenly Father had to put me through 3 brain surgeries to finally get this! Good grief I'm slow! I've been labeling him with something that isn't him, it's something he had to deal with. I've gotten so frustrated with the obsessive eating & obsessive spending & obsessive obsessive-ness over any little thing. I've failed to realize that's not him. That's something he deals with. Now I'm not saying it's excused, I'm saying it's understandable. I have a sibling who throws pyscho fits because they're biopolar & another who does drugs to deal with their bipolar. It's not them, it's the illness. It's NOT okay, but it helps you understand where they are coming from.

OCD is not just hard on me. It is so much harder on him. Obsessive isn't just a descriptive word - it's a place where your mind goes and gets stuck. So now, I just have to figure out how to deal with it the right way. I guess it'll take some pondering and prayer.

Walking & MRI

I couldn't figure out why I was gaining so much weight. I'm eating normally, not like last time where everyday I had a little "extra" something. All of a sudden I remembered that I don't do anything physical. Gee, could that possibly be it? You mean from the couch to the kitchen to the bedroom isn't doing anything?!

Yesterday I felt good enough to exercise. My friend and I used to go walking 2 miles at the rec center. I asked her to meet me there. 25 laps equals 2 miles. I thought I'd have to stop at 10 laps, but I made it around all 25! I'm so proud.

My MRI is on Thursday then the appt with the surgeon is on Friday. (It's one of those things where you get on the bench and they put you in the tube. I'm not claustrophobic at all.) MRI's usually take 45 minutes. I've never asked if you can keep your eyes open or not. I don't. It's easier to be comfortable and not move with your eyes closed. How funny that I can say usually. I've even had a couple of these when I was out of it. Usually they put earplugs in your ears, but at this place they ask you for your favorite radio station and give you headphones. I wonder if they plug your ears when you are already under.

MRI's are different than CT scans, I can't really say why except CT scans are way shorter and MRI's have really neat ways you can use them during surgery. I have a bunch of films of both out in the car. (I should probably bring those in.) I need to request a disk with the scans from the current doctor. He didn't like to work from the physical films, he preferred the computer images. The neat thing is that whatever computer you put them on, the disk works. You don't have to have a special program. I really hope I remember to request that. I'll probably be too nervous. I'd ask Richard to remind me but he'll be even more nervous.

Started painting

We used to call Tally our "special ed" dog. She's actually quite the opposite. She is a smart, smart dog. I'm sure when I took the picture she was tracking an insect. I may just have to come up with an insect for the painting.

Ummm . . . insert interesting title here

I've pretty much decided that the headaches may be glasses related. I went to get them adjusted at Target and the lady got a little too intense about them not touching my scar and not enough attention to them staying on my face. I'll have to go back again. Sigh.

This weekend was fantastic! Joni went to dinner and dessert with us, hung out for a few hours, watched High School Musical (cuz she'd never seen it), and got to try my favorite food (runzas). For my birthday present (as if coming to TX were not enough) she got me "If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard" by Sheri Dew. She said the title seemed fitting for me. I agreed with her. Something I realized this weekend is that I'm pretty boring right now. We'd be sitting there and all I can think is 'why can't you come up with something interesting to talk about? Good grief you're boring.' That's okay because we had Richard there making jokes most of the time. And if you've never watched HSM with Richard, it is hilarious!

Something I realized today is that I seem to like to tell people that I have had brain surgery 3 times this year. I don't know, maybe because of the intense reactions I get from people I don't even know. I wonder if I'll grow tired of it when I go back to work?

Only 5 more days til I find out what the surgeon thinks. I'm praying pretty intently for the tumor to be gone, but I have to be sure that it's Heavenly Father's will. I can usually tell, but I guess I'm not in the right frame of mind on this one. That's okay, whatever He decides I feel like I'll be cool with it now. That's at least a good thing.

Still my birthday

Joni's flight is delayed. She's supposed to get here a couple hours late. Bummer.

I finally got access to the photos off my old phone. These photos are specifically for my grandmother who got a kick out of the other photo. I think the only thing missing are the magnets.


This was taken last July. Goodness sakes how long have I had this bizarre obsession? Actually, my teammates keep it going.


Notice the chapstick, lotion, & pen at the bottom. (The pen changes characters.)


These are stickers my dad picked out for me. It may have been for my birthday last year.

My birthday!

I figure since I won't have time to write after Joni gets here - I better do that now!

Let's see - I went to bed at 11:45 and woke up at 5:00 to go to the bathroom. I couldn't go back to sleep because of another stupid headache so Richard and I watched "8 Legged Freaks". Totally should have been one of those Scify original movies. (Dad you would have loved it!) It was about giant spiders that took over a town. The best part? Each "little" spider made noises - kinda high-pitched, squeaky noises. It was hilarious!

Next we were supposed to run some errands but with so little sleep I felt like I was going to barf. So Richard ran the first errands and I went back to bed for an hour. He came home and we left for other errands. While we were gone my visiting teacher came by with a balloon and card and candy. How cool is that? She is simply the sweetest kindest friend!

One of our errands was to Kohl's for my birthday presents. My mother convinced me that 'someone my age' shouldn't wear t-shirts that are plain, ugly t-shirts. She convinced me that I should wear t-shirts that are actually decorated like a girl should wear it. So I went and got myself a few at Kohls. And while I was there I got one of their Kohls Cares for Kids toys. What fun presents.


I think my mom may have this same shirt.


It's totally Rex from Toy Story. He's awfully cute!

Meanwhile on facebook I've received 51 happy birthday posts and texts from my family members and my nephew calling on his way to school!! How loved do I feel?! Very loved and it's only 12:30.

It's raining right now. My plans for the rest of the day are to lay low until Joni gets here then go to dinner then go to Cheesecake Factory!! And maybe still having a little karaoke when we get home tonight. What a beautiful day!

My new favorite quote

"One's life. . . cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free. . .

Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, "Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!"

Real faith. . . is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process."

Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Symptoms and mental health and HSM

Remember my shaky hand? It's back. Bummer. I keep making sure that my right eye is still working (which it is). My language is doing much better this time. I get a little tongue tied when I'm nervous or excited or tired but it's not like before. And this morning I got another killer headache - I'm pretty sure that has to do with my ear infection because it was right behind my ear. I'm so grateful for ibuprofen. The other thing is that I've been sick to my stomach almost everyday since I've been home. Don't know what that's about. I wonder if I could go online and find a list of things that you might expect after brain surgery. (Yeah you can't - they say stuff like "every brain surgery is different so expect different reactions." Yeah that's real helpful.)

The other day after the exhausting day at work, we went to an exhausting visit with our pyschiatrist. I say "our" because he's treats both of us. Yesterday was Richard's appt. (I do have Richard's permission to share this. He is supporting my attempts to dissolve the stigmas. If I told you he had high cholesterol - you would think nothing of it. It should be the same way if I tell you about a mental health condition. In fact it should help you understand that person better.)

He's been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder partnered with depression. As of the end of last year our dr has really been able to stabilize this. Since all of this uncertainty has started, both the OC and the depression have been out of whack. For Richard the OC has to do with obsessively eating or spending money or escaping into a movie (buying figures, watching it over and over, taking up new hobbies based on it). The depression this time has to do with incessant sleeping and lack of motivation. The dr said that the real way that he'll get back out of this is by finding out what's going on with me. But he gave us something to try to help him wake up and something to stimulate his thyroid until then. Good times. Just think we only have a week before we find something out. Let's hope it is the kind of stuff the dr meant when he said that. :)

Okay last but not least - I finally got a picture of my cube. Actually I forgot to take it when I was there so my friend took it and sent it to me. She's obviously not the one who sits there so the sticky notes, pens, chapstick, lotion, stickers, notebook and other cards normally displayed at the bottom are just kinda stuffed under some other stuff. So what you can see right now is the calendar (yes I traded 2009 for 2010), some stickers, a mini poster, a big row of magnets, and a card. That card may have been from my team last year - hard to remember for sure. No, no they gave me a singing card last year. "Soaring, flying..." It must be buried in the other stuff.

I miss you desk at work.

Karaoke & my birthday

Today I got to go visit my friends at work. I went specifically for choir. But I think I told you that in a previous post. When I first got there I called Richard and told him I was nervous about going in. But it was so cool and so much fun. Both my team and choir got me cakes and cards and the choir even sang a 4-part harmony of Happy Birthday to me!

Now I told you that my team is aware of my obsession with HSM. This is the card they got me.



Please notice the character at the bottom. I so love my team.

I shared blog pictures with several different people trying to explain how the 3 surgeries worked and why I was so grateful for the 3rd one. One of my friends who actually came to visit before this last one said, "You looked terrible before but I didn't want to say anything." Ha ha. Thanks.

Karaoke was a lot of fun. I sang a duet from HSM by myself. (It was pretty bad.) I'm afraid that Laurie is going to post it on facebook. My first thought - oh my sister will watch it and say 'off-key much?' But it's okay. We had lots of songs picked in perfect ranges for our singers. That's the best when they match up with the song. And Sharron - this is the FIRST time she EVER karaoked. We (me and her) sang Killing Me Softly and she was amazing!! I was impressed.

I went home about 2.5 hours after I got there. I was pretty exhausted. Totally happy but exhausted!!

Oil painting

Hey I started my oil painting today. Today was just the sketch. Richard saw it and said he was surprised. It actually looks like her. Thanks honey. Maybe if it starts off looking like her, it will end up looking like her!

Can you tell I've more time on my hands?

Now that I've got some free time - I decided I could either play on facebook (which I do plenty of) or I could journal. And someday I'll look back and be surprised at how honest I was on the internets where anyone can read it.

First things first, I have a double ear infection!! Yay! No, seriously - yay! I've been getting these killer headaches where it felt like my ear needed to pop. I was really afraid that it had something to do with the brain surgery. But it's NOT!! It's ear infections. And some swelling of the sinuses. So now I'm on a Z-pack and some Sudafed. Who'd ever be excited about double ear infections? ME!!

This was also the dr who referred me to get an MRI and CT scan. I thanked him profusely for doing that without hesitation. He told me it was God. He said every day he gets a dozen people complaining about headaches and he usually tells them to "take some pills then come back in 6 months". He said he wasn't sure why but he knew to send me there. I know that Heavenly Father was a part of that but it was really neat to have the dr. recognize Heavenly Father as a part of that.

Next we went to Target to fill the prescriptions and took a little detour to the toys. I got a little birthday present.

Here are our Cars cars. (We were a little obsessed for quite a while and have like 100 cars.)


But we have been missing this one ever since the Recall of plastic (or something).


And now our collection of all the normal characters (not to mention a LOT of the extra characters) is complete. Yay!



Hooray for Cars cars! Now I just need someone to come play with them. Kinda like the dress-up clothes. I need someone to come play with them too.

Tomorrow I get to go to work to visit. I can't remember if I shared this already - if so here it is again. Our choir at work (which I've been the director of for like 3 years) meets every Tuesday from 10:30-11:00. Every once in a while (it was scheduled for once a month but we never did once a month) we would have karaoke practice for an hour. The thought here is to enable choir members to gain confidence singing in front of other people. Afterall, if you can't sing for your choir peeps who you trust, then how can you sing in front of anyone else. Besides that, it's just fun. As it goes right now, thanks to my dad, I have the karaoke cds that we use. So I'm soooo excited to go see my choir peeps and sing with them and share with them about brain surgery. I imagine I'll spend sometime seeing other co-workers and friends while I'm there.

Oh and I've decided to work on an oil painting. It's gonna be a picture of my dog. The teacher already told me it would be super hard for a first timer to do but I'm up for the challenge.

Later on I might post some pictures of my sister and I looking plenty alike or some really fun pics of the rest of my family. Just depends on how much extra time I have after facebook. ;)