Once upon a time...

...there was this girl who LOVED to perform.  She loved to sing and to dance and to act and to PERFORM! 

One time many years ago, she was in a musical with her best friend.  It was delightful.  She made great friends and loved the choreographer and the director and the cast members.  She took ample photos of her experience and came home brimming with stories to tell her husband. 

Her husband didn't tell her then, but it made him a little sad.  Although he was super supportive and so kind (even to her "stage husband" who came over to dinner a couple nights) it was hard for him when she was away so dang much.

Well, the musical got over and her Dad had a pretty frank conversation with her.  He said He knew how much she liked to perform but He had other plans for her.  Performing on the stage was NOT one of them. 

She was pretty crushed.  All her life she felt like she should have been doing this because it brought such joy and satisfaction.  She said it wasn't fair that her other brothers and sisters got to do this and she didn't.  It resulted in some pouting and a little whining to her big 'sister'.  But ultimately she decided to follow her Father and to focus on other things.

Many years later, she had some health "problems" that resulted in some fairly "major" surgeries that changed a whole lot of things for her.  Among other things, she discovered that she was terrified of being in front of people.  Gasp!  She who LOVED to perform in front of people bawled her head off the Sunday she was to sing at church.  (She sang but there was definitely some bawling in the pew beforehand!)

About a year later, she heard about these auditions.  She decided that auditioning would be the perfect way to overcome the "stage fright" she'd been dealing with.  She decided that if she put down a certain part and ONLY that part there wouldn't be any reason to worry about being cast in the play (because after all, she and her Dad had this little understanding).  So she went and auditioned.  And it was definitely nervous-making but it reminded her of how much she LOVED performing.  So the stage manager called and asked if she'd be any other part besides the one and only one she put down.  She said she have to think about it and call back.  So she called her husband and told him she really wanted to do it.  He, having seen all the hard stuff from the year before, was again very supportive and kind about it.  She called her big "sister" and asked her opinion (thinking that surely her big sister would remind her about her understanding with Dad) and her sister said it was a great idea.  Then she asked her Dad.  He pretty much said it's up to you at this point.  Woo hoo!  She called the stage manager back knowing that she'd get a part.

(I know this story is getting long but I promised Richard that I'd record it to remind myself someday.... as if I'd need the reminding - HA!)

She (obviously) did end up getting a part in the show.  And she got a schedule for practices 6 days a week for an obscene amount of time.  And a schedule for an obscene amount of performances.  And she was ready to do it!

At the end of it all, the word she would use for the entire experience is AWFUL.  Rehearsals were tolerable for the first couple of weeks despite how unkind the music director was.  Rehearsals were no longer tolerable when the choreographer told them that they needed to stop treating practice like community theater and start acting professional.  (They even got an email telling them to stop laughing and talking to each other because each spare moment was a moment to learn more dance moves.)  Did she mention that this was community theater?  And despite dedicating 6 days a week to rehearsal there was no compensation for being in the production - just the joy of coming and being yelled at because they weren't doing it like professionals and being called "boys and girls" and told to be quiet and focus on dancing.  Oh, and one of her personal favorites, asking the music director to help her out with a part (because she was not a professional singer, for the love) and having him make disparaging remarks about her singing to her face... that was really neat.  They didn't see the overall director (who she absolutely adored) until very very close to the end of rehearsals.  He asked her if she was having fun and her response was "Do I have to answer that honestly?"  Her castmates were nice enough but many of them were not "top notch" people.  They were so focused on acting that it was the only thing that mattered to them.  To top it all off, she was sick sick sick the last 3 weeks of performance.  Oh holy cow she was sick.  She stayed home from work sick a couple of days and still went to the theater because her double had to work those days. 

Now don't be fooled, there were some good parts to the performance.  She got in shape. She made a good friend in her "stage husband" who she sees at the church building most weeks.  She totally got over the stage fright feeling.  She realized that she can sing whatever note she puts her minds to and actually make it sound pretty dang good.  She had some very kind comments by friends and total strangers after the performance.

You see how great those things sound?  And yet the total experience was AWFUL. 

Moral of the story:  She absolutely knew that performing was NOT in the plans for her anymore.  BUT she talked herself into it.  She decided that there were circumstances that cancelled out what her Dad told her.  Silly silly girl. 

She is now grateful to have an experience that helps her "give up" performing.  She realized that being gone all the time is not for her.  And that there are more important things for her to focus on even if she doesn't understand them all yet.  And she learned that listening to her Dad will help her reach her happily ever after.