Man, I've been getting headaches the past couple of days and it's not my favorite. Let's face it - I have a low pain tolerance - I can't help it, I always have. And these headaches, I don't know as a result of having someone literally inside my head, HURT. A few days ago I only had to take Advil like 3 times - the entire day. Yesterday it was like 6 times or 7 and it was a mixture of Advil and Tylenol. (I should have just taken a pain pill - but I'm trying to not take them.) I guess I had a little too much excitement on Tuesday. Between a friend coming over, going to lunch with a different friend, and going out to the play - I guess I'll take it down a notch in the next few days.
On a different note, last night my mom 'introduced" me to Stephanie Nielson. There is a LDS video of her called "My New Life" and a blog that my mom had been following for like a year and a half. She called me and said, "Go watch this & read this. You will never feel sorry for yourself again." This girl was in a near-fatal plane crash in August of 2008. She has 3rd degree burns all over her entire body. She was in a coma for the first (I think) 3 months. She's is still going through all sorts of surgeries and hard stuff. That's what I've been calling most trials lately - hard stuff.
This is totally embarassing to admit but I cried for an hour. (That's not the embarassing part.) I cried because she's been doing this for almost 2 years, I've been doing this for 4 months - I just want to be done. And I don't know what Heavenly Father has in store for me. Dang it - I'm crying again just thinking about it. I just want to be done - 3 brain surgeries is enough to last me a lifetime. I want to go back to work and I want to have a calling at church and I want to not have headaches.
I KNOW that I'll be healed no doubt about it, I just don't know when or how. I'm having a hard time with my faith. Not the faith that I'll be healed, not the faith that Heavenly Father knows me and is watching over me, (actually this is embarassing too) it has to do with our family's financial stuff. Actually now that I say that, that's not even it, I know He'll help us through that. You know what, I just want to be done and I have a feeling that I'm not done yet. That's the hard part - I have a feeling that I'm not done yet.
(By-the-way, Stephanie's story is amazing. She has some neat thoughts and really is a faith-inspiring person.)
Okay now that I've bawled my head off - not once but twice in the past 12 hours - I think I'm ready to stop feeling sorry for myself. Lots and lots of people who have it way worse than me. I need to be grateful. I'm going to be healed. I don't have to worry about dying. I'm going to be healed. I'm not going to lose any of my faculties. I'm going to be HEALED for heaven's sake! I'm going to have to find a project to fill my time. Because right now, there is a LOT of time for me to feel sorry for myself. Wouldn't it be so much better if I serving someone else? That would feel intensely better. Mom always taught me if you are feeling sorry for yourself, just look around and you are sure to find someone in a worse position than you are. (Thanks mom.)
Richard keeps asking what on earth I'm writing about. Just feeling sorry for myself. But I think I'm okay again for a little while. Feels great to write about it and gain control over your feelings and get it out of your system. :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Susan,
What an incredible post! I loved reading about your faith in your trial. I also read Stephanie's blog at times. And you know what? You BOTH are inspirations to me! You have gone through so much in the last few months. So much trial, faith, prayer - and you still manage to smile and go on. (Love your wigs, BTW) I think you are wonderful! And remember, you're not alone in this - we're all here praying with you. :)
I love you friend! I have followed Stephanies blog for several months now. She is an inspiration! But that doesn't mean that what you are going through isn't incredibly hard and that you can't think it is hard. I hope you feel better and I am SO excited to see you in a week!!!! YEAH!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!! (Did I mention I was excited?)
Post a Comment